I was shopping with my dad and we went to Micheal's.  We both love Halloween so we were going through their decorations.  At the beginning of the aisle there was a life size rotting corpse holding the severed head of his bride ... motion activated, sang and talked.  Ahh, modern technology being put to good use.  We turned up the aisle and passed the entrails, severed body parts, ghosts, ghouls, vampires, monsters, blood puddles, rats, bats, cats, but they must have been out of flesh eating maggots ... didn't see any of those.  What a fun holiday!!!  We picked our way through the pirate paraphernalia and spawn of satan displays and rounded the corner.  That's when I saw it. ... the most horrifying thing I've ever come face to face with.

We were in the Thanksgiving/Autumn decoration aisle, and there perched as if it just clawed its way out of the bowels of hell ... dramatic pause ... a SCARECROW!!! (I KNOW! Try not to scream!)

Fortunately I got the full blast of his evilness, shielding most of it from dad, and also fortunately terror tightened my throat so the blood curdling scream was suppressed!  I'm not sure dad's heart could have taken either!  But there it sat, perched on a hay bail looking all innocent like it would really help you find Oz, ready to spew it's Ray Bolger-esqe voice dancing it's way close enough to suck you into the nightmare straight from the sixth circle of hell!  (seventh being clowns, a distant evil cousin of scarecrows ... politicians being the tenth circle by the way.)

Just when I was ready to turn around flee to save my very soul from imminent doom, I realized there were kids coming down the Halloween aisle and they were coming right toward the evil beast!  What a foul trap this was!  For the love of God man ... not CHILDREN!

Well I did the only thing I could.  I plucked up all the courage I could pluck (pluck?  really?) and I grabbed a makeshift weapon calling on the spirit of MacGyver!  Ok, well more of a weapon of convenience, and I'm sure you'll appreciate the irony ... I grabbed a trident from the devil accessories at the end of the Halloween row and pushed the scarecrow off it's hay bail onto the shelf behind ... rendering him powerless by the way.  Oh how the mighty have fallen!  Begone you foul loathsome creature!  I cast his ass out! HAHA!

Soon after that though, I realized the true terror of the powers of the scarecrow.  I turned back around to put the devil's pitch fork back in the display ... my face ringed with perspiration, my cheeks flushed with the exertion of mortal combat, a smile on my face with the rapture of besting pure unadulterated evil with my quick thinking and courage ... when I saw the look on my dad's face.  This my friends, it the true power of evil - he was not afraid of the beast!  In fact he looked a little frightened of ME!  Apparently scarecrows have the power to bewitch and beguile people! I'm sorry to have to say it!  And this is a truly horrific turn of events!  Just as I was about to go back to the costume row and pull on a cape and tights, I realized my efforts were not being appreciated by my very own father let alone by the masses!

And when I returned home, the victorious warrior, I didn't expect a full parade or anything ... maybe a few firetrucks, I didn't expect marching bands ... maybe flowers and a ride in a convertible but nothing too extravagant, American made would have been fine.  But again the powers of the clever scarecrow had gotten to my family.  My husband was unenthusiastic and just mumbled something about phobias and delusions of grandeur.  What?  Oh come on!  Like I have a scarecrow phobia ... sheesh!  Where does he get this stuff!?  I mean this was obviously bravery and self sacrifice!  Curse you, you foul loathsome mephistophelian! <- thesaurused that word!

Heed my warning ... nothing good can come from something as terrifying as a walking talking scarecrow!  Nothing!  And this one, albeit a still and silent version, was just one small step away from doom ... DOOM!  And in hindsight, you just never know when the gates of hell will spring open and you'll be forced to choose between dying on your knees or taking up a weapon against whatever form of demon set in your path.  I may not always be there to champion the beasts, but thankfully I was there in that dark hour!  So rest easy tonight my friends ... rest easy!

Yes, it's true, I have WAY too much time on my hands ...

1) Are you really ready for 100 questions?
let me check my calendar ... ok, I'm free


2) If you got married to your most recent boyfriend/girlfriend what would your name be?
Is this a trick question?


3) How was your day?
well, I was grumpy and then silly.  I don't think I'm getting enough oxygen


4) Who did you last say I love you to?
I believe it was the inventor of Dove chocolate



5) Do you regret it?
I only regretted that I couldn't do it in person



6) Do you have a best friend?
yup



8) Are you a boy or a girl?
let me check ... hey, girl! Cool!



10) How do you want to die?
I don't want to punch out in some weeny way.  It better be with explosions, fire, maybe brimstone, oh and swearing and maniacal laughter!  And I want to be 113 years old.



11) What did you last eat today?
croutons ... right out of the bag (I'm slightly cooking challenged)



13) When was your last fight?
does a pissy fit count?  If so, it was today



14) Tom from MySpace is about to go to jail, what’s your first thought?
oh great, now who's going to do the updates!? (it's all about me)


15) Do you have an attitude?
pppphhhht!  what do you think?


are we mathematically challenged or what?

18) Like reading?
you betcha!



19) Are you gonna get high later?
we're not talking about going up a ladder here are we?  That would be a no then


20) Do you hate anyone at the moment?
oh hell yes ... as long as we have a congress, I'll be a hatin'



21) Do you miss someone?
yes but my aim will get better



21) Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
I go both ways on this one



22) Who is your best friend's uncle's wife's daughter's boyfriend?
Wait, I know this one ... Colonel Mustard in the parlor with a candlestick!
hehe, a shout out to hasbro!

23) Do you tan a lot?
no, my husband calls me pale face


24 ) Have any pets?
yep, 2, a husband and a cat


25) How exactly are you feeling?
97.6, 110/65, 63 beats per minute ... all systems functioning normally


26) Ever ate food in a car while someone or yourself is driving?
yes ... is there anyone that hasn't? 



28) Have you ever started a rumor?
yep ... I totally pinned that whole crime on Colonel Mustard!


29) Favorite food?
Chinese food!


30) Are Barbie and Ken bad influences on people?
nah ... Barbie represents corvette driving blonds well and Ken stands up as a eunuch to be counted.  Really how many role models do eunuchs have?


31) Do you regret anything from your past?
well, I'm a little sorry about making fun of eunuchs


33) Do you want to have kids?
infertility is my super power


34) Ever kissed somebody that name start with N?
hmmmm, can't think of anyone ... any volunteers?


35) Do you type fast?
yes but not well



36) Do you have piercings?
nope


37) Want any more?
nope


38) Can you spell well?
W-E-L-L ...that was easy!


39) What do you miss most about your past?
my convertible that I sold


40) What are you craving right now?
new CDs ... I want more music!


53) Does somebody love you?
throngs of adoring fans I'm sure ... and a shout out to both of you! :D



54) What is your favorite color?
green


55) Are you awesome?
seriously is anyone still reading this?  If so YOU are awesome!


56) Favorite song?
hmmm right now Time, Sarah McLachlan


57) Do you have trust issues?
why?  Who told you to ask me that?  Don't tell them anything!



58) Where's your favorite place to be?
on vacation!



59) Do you like redbull?
no, I live a caffeine free existence so it might kill me outright



61) Are you secretly liking someone?
yes ... shhhh, don't tell!



64) Have you ever betrayed a best friend?
no way!


68) Have you ever walked outside in the rain?
who on earth could have ever avoided that at some point?


69) Do you think you're a good person?
more often than not



70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
not usually



75) Do you play Wii?
no


76) How do you feel about Wal-Mart?
they never have what I want to buy, they import too much stuff from China, and they screw over their workers ... and the bathrooms are horrid!



78) Who has inspired you the most?
Hypatia of Alexandria ... she lived in something like 350AD, was the daughter of a teacher, had a brilliant mind, was a mathematician, went on to teach astronomy and philosophy at university, was beautiful and decided not to marry.  The church didn't like her choices so they ambushed her on her way home from the university, tore off her clothes, dragged her and then ripped the flesh from her bones with seashells.  Nice eh?  She inspires me to learn, do what I want, stand up for myself and all women, treat women as sisters, and stand proud.



79) Best pick up line?
ok, iI have a few favorites ... gotta love geeks!

I need a little help with my Calculus, can you integrate my natural log?

Your mouth says, 'Shields up!', but your eyes say, 'A hull breach is imminent.'

I can't help it -- my eyes are trapped in the gravitational field of your breasts!

Why don't we head to my bedroom, peel back my Star Wars sheets, and discover what a true Jedi can do with his light sabre?

I may look like an Ewok, but I'm all Wookie where it counts, baby.

What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.

I've been told I have the cool sexual prowess of a Romulan.

"Urkuk lu Stalga." That's Klingon for "I love you baby."


81) Are you mean?
Ppphhhhtttt, you're just a sissy! LOL!


82) Can you keep white shoes clean?
about a nano second


83) Do you believe in true love?
yep ... but I also still wait up for the great pumpkin so take it with a grain of salt!



85) Are you proud of the person you've become?
sure



87) Who was the last person to make you mad?
my boss



88) Do you like the outdoors?
oh yes!!!


89) When was the last time you cried really hard?
the last time I watched the movie My Life Without Me



90) Do you want to get married?
that would be bigamy wouldn't it?  And I'm not joining a cult!



91) Ever fail a class?
nope


94) What makes you happy?
all sorts of simple things ... music, sunshine, leaves changing colors, fog,  music, teaching my nephew to wink at the waitress, those crazy little thoughts that pop into my head, great stories, oh - music, winning lottery tickets, hot chocolate, my violin magically tuning itself would really make me happy, and music!  Did I mention music?


95) Would you change your name?
yes, I want to change my name to Bailey because George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life is my twin soul!


96) Do you like to party?
like it's 1999!  Is it still hip to be square?


97) Are you paranoid?
Ok, why are you asking me that?


98) Do you watch the news?
yes, a lot!


99) What is your zodiac sign?
Aquarius ... but I thought we already did the pick up line question


100) Do you like Subway?
the train, yes ... the restaurant, no

I dreamt someone else's dream last night.  I was seeing the world through the eyes of a young girl in Ireland around the turn of the 20th century. 

She was blond, pretty, and her family was well off.  She had her life all planned out.  She knew who she wanted to marry, where they would live and how many kids they would have.  She knew with her family's money she would have no problems.  Her life was good.  The boy (gosh they were all so young, maybe 13-ish) was poor, idealistic, resistant to her.  They were good friends with each other a brunette girl, also not as well off as the blond.  They spent time together all around the island(?)  There was a big barn that they spent time in on the blond's parent's property. 

The blond spent a lot of time getting ready for her life ... getting her house ready for when she would marry ... thinking about what they would do and how they would live.  She spent a lot of time on her wardrobe and hair but an incredible amount of time moving furniture and furnishings around her house getting it ready.  (I'm not one to move furniture or fuss with my house, or give a thought to my wardrobe, so I found this tedious!)

She was so sure, so set in what would happen (... so unlike me.)  It was really odd for me to be in the mind of someone so young to begin with, but so sure of things.  She was really happy too.  It was strange feeling her emotions and seeing her life but still being so much myself.

One night the friend girl started talking about what she wanted from life. It was night and the three were walking to the barn.  I get the impression the brunette and the boy thought the blond shallow.  So the girl/friend started talking about her future (and me being in the blond's head I knew the blond was uninterested but she was kind about it.  There wasn't any malice, she just was so very focused on her own life and it didn't feel shallow, it was more like she was just overwhelmingly excited about her own life.)  Blond girl listened politely as the other girl talked of school and marriage and things that 13 year olds talk about.

Then the other girl asked the blond about her future and the blond had this feeling wash over her, which also washed over me.  It took me by surprise.  Quite frankly up until this point I was not thrilled to be feeling and seeing the world though a 13 year olds eyes to begin with (but I did like the setting) and I was expecting her to go on more of the furniture and pretty dresses that she seemed very concerned with (... and not interesting me in the least.)  But this feeling had a supernatural feel to it and it reached right out and grabbed my attention!  It felt/was like her life was fated and she had some insider information on the strands of it all or how it worked.  I, inside her head, seeing through her eyes, was tingling and just waiting ... dying to hear her answer!  It was incredible!

She said that her life was just screaming to her.  Life in general was screaming to her, telling her to live it and she would figure it all out.  She said she had an underlying knowing how her future should be and that it would seem simple to some but it would lead to something in future generations that was really important. Her voice was even a little different, more serious, less frilly and childlike ... and the other girl and the boy just stopped and faced her and stared wide eyed at her (which I would have done had I not been in her head.)  I get the distinct impression that they thought it would be insipid, silly rich girl talk but they could feel the supernatural feeling too and were surprised by it.  And then the supernatural feeling was just gone. *Poof*  After that her voice was not as serious and she was like she always was.

When the other two shook off the intensity of the blond girls picture of the future, it was the boys turn to talk about his future.  He didn't come right out and say it, but he didn't want this girl to take care and keep him.  He wanted to make a name for himself.  He was proud and driven.  He said the he was going to go be great. He was going to leave, make his own way and his own fortune in the world.  He was going to take the world by storm and be respected.  When he spoke of his future he tried to make her understand that her ideas about it were wrong and he had an edge to his voice and his eyes bored into her ... and she was completely un-phased by it.  He said he was leaving and would be back IF he was successful. I can still feel his frustration.  (I thought of him as a George Bailey from It's a Wonderful Life [my soul mate, I swear!]  Someone ready to blow that chicken shit town and strike out on their own.)

She was disappointed by the delay but still 100% sure they would be together. She was just so at peace with it and so ready, and so very sure.  And she worked really hard to seduce the young guy but it wasn't urgent like she had to win, it was that she knew ... really KNEW they would be together and she was anxious to get on with her life.  She was so blissfully happy.  It was worth all the frilly stuff to feel her feelings!

Then the dream flashed forward and he was back wearing one of those great suits you see in movies of the period.  I was really taken in by his suit as I watched their lives with her eyes.  And they were outside ... oh, it was gorgeous!  If I could ever find that place in Ireland I would probably just die of the shear joy of it.  They were in front of her house and it was on a bluff overlooking the ocean.  The sun was out, it was cool but not cold.  The grass was yellow like it is in the fall and it was bent over like the wind always must have been blowing it over.  I was interested in where they were so instead of listening to their conversation (and I have the feeling they were waiting for someone) so I searched her mind to see what her house was like and what the surrounding area looked like.  I had seen bits and pieces in the dream but I wanted to take the time to really look around. 

Her house was two stories.  The top story was level with the overlook and the bottom story was level with the ground below ... like it was built on a hillside.  It was stunning and unique.  It had a lot of windows and they had a car, like an model T or something (I don't know my early cars!)  Inside it had a banister made from a log.  It didn't seem to fit with the house's decor ... it seemed rustic in the middle of all this other opulence of their house.  All the curtains and cushions were velvet.  I saw her mother and knew the daughter would be living in that house and not the parents but I don't know why.  The furniture that the blond loved so much was delicate and intricate, carved wood, ritzy, looked really REALLY expensive.  The dishes and glass ware was delicate and feminine.  Her dresses were all frilly, she spent time on her hair and ribbons and shoes and fancy buttons.  She had ivory hair combs and brushes.  She had a big room with a big wardrobe for all her dresses and stuff.

But I wanted to know what was going on with the two of them so I went back.  And the boy, taller, older, was back and his suit showed success but he was still resistant.  I get the feeling he was miffed that she was so sure and he wanted to prove that it was his choice and not hers.  She was just so damn sure of herself and it bugged him. 

You know that scene in M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village" where Joaquin Phoenix basically tells the blind girl that she's too pushy and if he wants to ask her to marry him, HE'LL be the one to do it?  It was sort of like that.  This boy wanted to make his own choices.  (I found a quote of this scene on IMBD ... This is Joaquin Phoenix's character to Ivy when she pesters him about what will he do after they marry ... "Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night."  [This wasn't in my dream but this reminds me of what I think the boy was feeling.])

Then everything flashed forward again and the blond was putting pictures in a picture frame.  There were several picture of her in her all her frilliness. (gads!) There was a picture of her and the boy, very young, and there was a picture of her, him and their daughter and son.  The kids were saying they wanted more pictures of Daddy around because they missed him, and she was telling them that the war (and in my mind I was thinking WWI) would soon be over and he's be home.  She was still with that blissful, peaceful, sure feeling like everything was going according to this great big plan.

And then my stupid alarm clock rang.  *Sigh*

The thing that stands out was A) how much she loved pictures of herself, and her hair and moving all that damn furniture ... sigh ... and B) that she wasn't smug about how her life was, it all had a supernatural feeling to it.  She just knew and it wasn't something that she wanted and just worked to get ... it was something that was chosen for her from a force outside herself.  She absolutely believed it and it coursed through her body when she thought of it.  It was fun to experience such confidence especially since I'm 39 and I still don't have a clue as to what I want to be if I ever grow up.

And I have no idea where this all came from but it was nice to visit someone else's life and feel that incredible feeling of purpose.

What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing and what do we think we might see? Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection ... the lovers, the dreamers and me ..

I'm pretty confrontational. It's either in my nature or something I've developed very strongly in my life, not sure which, but I can't just sit by when there is an injustice. I can't do it. So my latest self induced catastrophe revolves around the guy that beats on my sister. *insert evil glare here*

Now I'm a sister to any woman, but this one is my sister by blood. I don't understand their relationship but they have a child together. Personally I'd have his ass tossed in jail for the beating, stalking, door smashing, cell phone smashing, death threats ... but hey, that's just me. She makes deals with him, threatens jail to keep him in line but it always falls apart and he ends up doing something again. I can't help her if she refuses to be helped so I stay out of it. I don't need to understand her, I just need to love her.

So yesterday at work my boss was telling me about her niece that got beat up by her boyfriend and she mentions the guys name ... gee, shocking, same guy. So I, in my gentle tactful manner (not!), tell her how much I despise him and how I think her niece should testify and set his ass in jail. I was really colorful about it too! Haha! I even explained how he's like a tick infestation and hard to get rid of ... a parasite ... he looks like a chromagnum gorilla (now that I think about it, I was too kind, he's more like a neanderthal gorilla)... those are the nicest things I had to say about him.

So then my boss tells her sister in law, who tells her daughter (the abuse victim) what I said. The abuse victim calls the abuser to tell him what I had to say about him. [What do these women see in him!!! I saw him without his shirt on once and I went blind for 24 hours and threw up a little bit in the back of my throat at least 75 times! I thought there was an escape from a zoo. If I'd have had a tranquilizer dart I would have shot him! And then probably shot myself so I could have slept off the revulsion! Oh gods, get that image out of my head!!! Gak, I'm getting woozy!]

Personally I don't have a problem with him knowing what I said ... I'd tell him to his face. The problem is, all of a sudden he's shocked I would say that and now he's really angry with me. Phhhttt! Like I care. He's a simpleton that has two modes of operation ... intimidation and smoozing. He sure as hell can't smooth talk me and I'm not intimidated.

The thing that gets me is how in the hell can he not know that I despise him? Have I not made it abundantly clear? The last time he spoke to me he saw me in the grocery store and said hello. I looked at him like something I scraped off my shoe and said "WHY are you talking to me?" and stomped away. The time before that he started to say something and I said "Why don't you go smack around a defenseless woman" and walked away. Now at what point does he not understand that I loathe him? Cripes, now I have to work at being more blunt!? This guy takes stupidity to a whole new level!

I went with plan B since he seems to be confused ... I typed it up and emailed it to my sister for him to print it out and put it in a scrapbook so in case he forgets that he's a dirt bag, he can re-read my opinion and know that he is! It should be great for his ego!

I guess it's not smart for me to be poking this gorilla with a stick. He is bigger and stronger than I am but at least he's afraid to go back to jail. I have promised him that I will NEVER be too afraid to testify or go to the police and I WILL make it my life mission to make sure he's locked up for as long as possible ... and if there is ANYONE that he hits that I CAN convince to testify against him, I'll do my best to support them. I'm pretty sure I can convince my sister to press charges this time. I'm relentless!

However if I disappear, make sure everyone tells the cops I want him to fry! [Ewww, fried gorilla!  That's gotta smell bad!] I'm pro death penalty and if he could be flogged to death, I'd pick that but since PA is a weeny state and we only have the chair, those are my dying wishes ... that he's off the planet! I'm an eye for an eye kind of gal ... and I do bring this all on myself.